Every year, I have to tolerate this nonsense, this fuss about something totally foreign and irrelevant to us. Newspapers waste reams of paper, gushing TV anchors go all eloquent and some of you out there start moaning about the lack of such excellence in our country. Friends, my blood boils every time I see those pretenders indulging in this yearly ritual.
By now, you must have realized what I am talking about. Oscars..What else? The same ceremony which is nothing but a celebration of western supremacy and arrogance along with a generous dose of skin show. Fine, let them run around naked with phallus like trophies in their hands, I have no issues with that. Its only when some of my fellow countrymen start insulting our movies for not being nominated for Oscars, I feel obliged to give them a fitting reply.
Firstly, what is wrong with our movies, eh? They have songs, so what? Does the presence of songs diminish in any way the brilliance of the movie “HAHK” (“Hum Aapke Hai Kaun” for the uninitiated and unfortunate), the prowess of the actors or the cerebral vision of the director? Hardly. Can one imagine the movie “3 Idiots” without that loser singing “Give me some sunshine” before committing suicide? Nah..totally out of the question. Is there a better example of spontaneous acting than Govinda breaking into vigorous pelvic thrusts at every given opportunity? I can go on endlessly here. Songs are an integral part of our movies and it has added a new dimension to the art of movie making. And by the way, Hollywood has been copying us for long now. They too have movies with songs which they call musicals. But when it comes to our movies, they wrinkle their noses as if they have stepped on dog shit. Bloody hypocrites!
Story and direction wise we have top class stuff made in bollywood. You can take any genre, be it action, drama, comedy.. bollywood has given us gems on each of these. You guys go ga-ga over “Saving Private Ryan”. Faggots, all of you! That is why you prefer a sissy whose hands shake every time he sees blood to a lion like Major Kuldeep Singh in Border who badmouths an entire Pakistani tank regiment for half an hour without any one of them even daring to move an inch. You post dialogues from “Jerry Maguire” on facebook walls, but did he have to go through such trials and tribulations as Rahul aka Shah Rukh Khan did in those look alike feel alike Karan Johar movies? And if twisting your face by abnormal angles can be termed as comedy, then yes, Jim Carrey is good. I prefer Ritesh deshmukh though.
Our movies are good enough. Now why they don’t get nominated for Oscars is anybody’s guess. I know that some of you are already mouthing the name Satyajit Ray. Kancha Cheena’s mom had asked Ray to ‘stop exporting poverty’ long back. I have nothing more to add to this. Yes, shit happens sometimes, but does that mean we should portray our nation as a shithole in front of foreigners just to win an award?
And that brings me to the second question, why the heck do we need an Oscar? I don’t understand this strange fascination. Is it imperative to be recognized by the academy before being considered as a great filmmaker or an actor? I will leave you with a statement made by a superstar, clenching of whose jaws was once enough for baddies all around the country to piss in their pants—“Indian cinema has always stood first, stands first, is the best. If they wish to give us an Oscar they can do it...if not, it would be even better”. Well said Shahenshah! Buddha Hoga Tera Baap!
So, chill! Screw the Oscars. We can still win awards. What are Filmfare Awards for?